In your early twenties, there is a quiet pressure that slowly builds around you. You feel the need to perform for a crowd — to show everyone that you are doing well, even when you are not sure if you are. You look around and notice your peers moving forward, building careers, earning money, and finding their place in the world. Meanwhile, you may feel like you are still trying to figure things out.
People often say that you should not compare yourself to others. They tell you to move at your own pace and trust your journey. The advice sounds wise and comforting, but in reality, it is much harder to follow than it sounds. How do you pretend not to see your peers doing better than you? How do you sit in the same room with someone who seems successful and not feel a sting of comparison, pain, or even jealousy? How do you convince yourself that you are not falling behind?
Recently, I met up with a high school friend. We decided to reconnect after many years apart. The last time we had seen each other was five years ago, just after high school. Five years is a long time. People change. Our perspectives grow. Life begins to feel more real. In high school, most of our worries were small because we were still under our parents’ care. Now we are adults trying to build lives for ourselves; trying to earn, survive, and find stability.
Reconnecting with her was amazing. Our conversations were deeper and more reflective than before. We talked about how life had been since high school, relationships, old classmates, and the different paths people had taken. It felt good to laugh and catch up like old times.
Then the conversation shifted, as it usually does when friends meet after a long time.
“So… how is work going?”
“What are you doing for yourself these days?”
The mood changed slightly. The laughter softened, and the conversation became more serious.
My friend told me she had landed a job that paid her well. She said she finally felt financially stable and less strained. She seemed happy and content with where she was in life. And truly, I was happy for her. I still am. But naturally, another question appeared in my mind: What about me?
Sometimes you want to sleep, but the thought of tomorrow arriving without money keeps your mind restless.
My journey has been very different. Financial struggles made it difficult for me to complete school smoothly. At times I had to pause and take small jobs or volunteer work just to earn enough money to return to school or cover basic expenses. There were days when I would sit down and decide that I would apply to ten jobs in a single day. I kept a list of every job application, the acceptances and the rejections.
When I look at that list today, the rejections are far more than the acceptances. I searched for opportunities everywhere, even online. Eventually, I found a remote tutoring job. It does pay me something, and I am grateful for that. But it is still not enough to give me financial comfort. So I keep applying for other jobs while waiting to hear back from the ones I have already applied to.
When my friend asked how I was doing, I told her I was doing okay financially. She reassured me that everything would work out.
But inside, I felt a quiet despair.
That same night, I woke up at 3 a.m. I could not sleep. I opened LinkedIn and began scrolling through job postings, hoping to find something new to apply for.
Sometimes you want to sleep, but the thought of tomorrow arriving without money keeps your mind restless. The fear of being left behind by your peers creeps into your thoughts. Your mind starts racing with questions.
What should I do to catch up?
What if I never land a good job?
People online often say that you should not compare yourself to others. They say you should not feel pressured. But the truth is, many of us do feel those things. At some point, you will compare yourself. You will feel pressure. You might even perform for a crowd and pretend that everything in your life is fine.
I do not pretend that I am immune to those feelings. I feel them. And instead of ignoring them, I allow myself to acknowledge them. I write them down. I face them honestly.
You do not have to live the exact same life as your friends. You do not need to have the same job, the same salary, or the same path. But I believe that what many of us truly want is something that simply works for us, something that allows us to feel stable, content, and hopeful about tomorrow.
When you have that, even in a small way, the pressure softens. The comparisons fade a little. And life becomes a bit easier to carry.
A very relatable experience. Thank you for sharing so openly. There’s something deeply powerful about personal stories; they remind us that at our core, we are simply human; vulnerable, imperfect, and not immune to frustrations, disappointments, and setbacks. Yet even in the midst of it all, one thing remains constant—hope for a better tomorrow.
This is a truly prolific write-up. Big up!
Thank you.It means a lot that it resonated with you.
They also say comparison is the thief of joy , I try to practice contentment , in that I might not be where I want to be ,but I choose to enjoy what I have as I work towards getting more , I mean who even knows If I will live to see the much that I want to get . I sometimes feel the pressure too, I also want to live above my means so bad ,but I close my eyes think of the much I have overcome ,and all the good things I have right now and I realize that I do not lack in anything good . Having that kind of perspective gives me peace of mind and a smile on my face , living one day at a time content with that day living within my means and I’m able to sleep .
I really appreciate this perspective. It’s not easy to stay content when you feel the pressure to want more, but the way you focus on what you’ve already overcome is something I’d want to learn.Thank you for sharing this, it adds a lot of depth to the conversation.