Pause for a moment and think, would homes exist without families? After all, home is where the heart is, not where people are. I sorely believe that for a house to be called home it needs the warmth, and if it lacks it often becomes meaningless and sometimes desolate. The unity of family necessitates this warmth. The common proverb that blood is thicker than water is true but the paradox of it is that nowadays those who you call family would also be the source of your own downfall, ironical right? Discernment is essential in establishing relations with people, sometimes even with family members.
The Mystery
Most families aren’t as beautiful as they seem, most choose to display what is admirable. However, I decide to believe that good families still exist, but even so that doesn’t keep off the presence of the few foxes waiting to ruin the barn.
In most African communities, the mystery behind family conflict still remains to be an unsolved puzzle, with elements of hatred and jealousy being common. Growing up as a kid, my mom would repeatedly tell me that a man’s biggest enemy is those he calls family. It was not hard decoding what she meant since I experienced it first hand.
Home is where the heart is, not where people are. I sorely believe that for a house to be called home it needs the warmth, and if it lacks it often becomes meaningless and sometimes desolate.
My Story
In the late primary years, I studied in a local public school where I met Anderson; apparently we both were in the same class, he was rather an acquaintance since our discussions were based on common grounds of pass me the book or give me that ruler; sometimes we would exchange mere giggles in heated class debates.
In a twisted turn of events, my mom happened to visit school, and coincidentally she bumps into this lady who I assumed at that time was the mother of Anderson owing to the similar resemblance they both had. I was then utterly surprised seeing my mom rubbing shoulders and conversing with this lady as if they were long time besties. Then, deciding to switch from Swahili to the Kikuyu dialect was even more alarming. My mind was clearly trying to process what was going on and looking at Anderson’s face, he appeared even more confused than I was.
The common proverb that blood is thicker than water is true but the paradox of it is that nowadays those who you call family would also be the source of your own downfall
The Shock
“Anderson meet Kevin your cousin”, His mom said with an excited tone followed with a narrow smile not understanding how disquieting this revelation was. That being said, Anderson and I had something in common, and that is being able to read the room. We shook hands afterwards, glancing at each other with apprehension, not knowing what would unfold out of the sudden reunion we found ourselves in.
During the first two weeks, Anderson appeared more friendly, and we would sometimes hang out. I would be lying if I said my intuitions were not convincing me to back off from this excitement of the so-called family bonding, however I quickly shrugged off the feeling.
We both were okay until he suddenly started acting different, he became distant and he acted rather evasive. As time passed, I became more disoriented however upon asking my mom, she smirked and reminded me of the same statement ‘a man’s biggest enemy is those he calls family’.
We both were okay until he suddenly started acting different, he became distant and he acted rather evasive. As time passed, I became more disoriented.
The Ideal Revelation
To clear the scepticism I had, she began narrating the story of both families. Initially both families were in good relations, however after one uneventful experience the families were now at loggerheads. According to mom, our family had long buried the hatchet, but it seems the other end had not, it was obvious the rivalry was far from over.
As time passed Anderson became a different specie, at times he could use some of his friends to humiliate me even in public spaces. I could not believe it at first, but what was more awakening was when he did it himself. I came to a constant realization that time reveals all, and that’s where experience sets in. Blood can be thicker than water but be assured not everyone you are associated with in blood is family.
As time passed Anderson became a different specie, at times he could use some of his friends to humiliate me even in public spaces.
How to Navigate Around these Ties
Boundaries are necessary in establishing healthy family relations, elements like intrusion of privacy, emotional manipulation or overstepping of roles are some common signs showing the borderline is not yet drawn. Sometimes feelings of entitlement may arise, especially in situations where one displays extreme familiarity, but as we all know familiarity breeds contempt. Some of these family members need a reality check and being hard on them does not necessarily mean one is callous; it simply is a form of duty as the world will eventually become harder on them if they fail to retreat from certain habits. As much as this is the case respect is paramount and so is communication, if you feel a surge of disrespect, being vocal might be the best thing.
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