Wind down right now and as you’re still reading this, recall that heated argument you once had. Do you remember saying things you didn’t mean or acting impulsively? It’s common to struggle with controlling our emotions during heated arguments. Why is it so difficult to maintain composure in those moments?
Identifying emotional intelligence
Emotional intelligence is the ability to recognize, understand, and manage your own emotions while effectively interacting with others. To provide a deeper understanding of emotional intelligence, this article will focus on its role in romantic relationships, as this is a topic of great interest to many people.
While most of you might know, our education system has always placed a huge emphasis on intelligence quotient and that is one’s ability to reason and solve problems. However, we’ve all adopted to this and left little to no room for that one aspect of intelligence, and that is emotional intelligence.
Have you heard of someone saying ‘that guy is emotionally mature’ and still wondered what they mean?
Story of Nelly Wanjiku
We’ve seen and heard news stories about people who become physically or emotionally abusive during arguments. It’s unfortunate that many people struggle to manage their emotions in healthy ways. As a result of probably not being the provider that they are.
Recently, a woman in Kiambu County is recovering from burn injuries after her partner allegedly threw hot water on her face. Nelly Wanjiku, a 29-year-old, recalls when she was attacked by Simon, her partner. Their relationship initially seemed strong and supportive. Wanjiku helped Simon start a business, and he eventually moved in with her after his own home was robbed. However, things went south after Wanjiku refused to take things further with this man.
Wanjiku narrates the day of the incident where Simon appeared home a bit late and that was around 11pm. Simon hugged her and headed straight to the Kitchen. Simon headed to the kitchen, and Wanjiku suspected he was looking for a knife. Concerned, she asked if he wanted to eat before continuing. Simon agreed and said he needed to heat up some water to drink because he had cold. He boiled water in a kettle and threw it in Wanjiku’s face, causing severe facial disfigurement.
The sad truth
Being inhumane and also lacking that surge of emotion unfortunately runs in the blood of many, I’m left to believe Simon is a representation of many who don’t know how to manage their emotions.
Studies have shown that emotionally unintelligent people have a hard time managing their life, managing their situations and others. Unfortunately, since emotional intelligence is not taught in school. We have to harness it, and this comes through our daily interactions with people. I’d love to call this a self-taught skill that requires one to put in the work. Sadly, emotional intelligence is inevitable. It can be tested through your daily interaction with your hard-headed boss or rude. Do you let their behavior affect your emotions, or can you maintain your composure?
The hardest bit about maintaining emotional intelligence is being the upper man, as this means letting others have their way. Personally, I believe being a true gentleman means respecting others’ individuality and not letting it negatively impact your own emotional or psychological state. However, even while maintaining this respect, it’s essential to set boundaries.
Establishing emotional boundaries
If your partner comes home feeling moody or upset, you don’t have to mirror those emotions. You can continue your day while allowing them to express themselves. That’s a sign of emotional intelligence.”
Establishing emotional boundaries whenever you feel disrespected or condescended is imperative. This can easily be done by communicating your values and needs respectfully to the other person. Through establishing these boundaries, you’re not only fostering emotional intelligence, but you’re also building self awareness.
Giachin once stated, “If your partner comes home feeling moody or upset, you don’t have to mirror those emotions. You can continue your day while allowing them to express themselves. That’s a sign of emotional intelligence.”
