In a world where vulnerability is often seen as weakness, men silently endure the burden of unexpressed emotions. It’s a paradox: Men are humans, just like women, but for emotions, many have learned to suppress rather than express them. Why is this? Why do men hide their feelings, and how does this differ from how women experience and share their feelings?
Let’s explore this together, not from a clinical standpoint, but from a deeply human one-one, that invites us to question societal norms, expectations, and, ultimately, ourselves.
This happens largely because boys are socialized to avoid appearing “soft,” which may be seen as unmanly in many cultures.
Conditioned From Childhood: The Man Box
From a young age, boys often hear phrases like, “Man up!”, “Don’t cry, be strong,” or “Boys don’t cry!” These seemingly harmless remarks set the stage for emotional suppression, where vulnerability becomes a sign of weakness, and strength is defined by how much one can endure without breaking.
Psychologist Dr. Ronald Levant coined the term “normative male alexithymia,” referring to the difficulty many men experience in identifying and expressing their emotions. This happens largely because boys are socialized to avoid appearing “soft,” which may be seen as unmanly in many cultures. Levant’s research suggests that emotional expression is often linked with femininity, creating a “man box”—a narrow set of behaviours deemed acceptable for men. Inside this box, there’s little room for emotional vulnerability.
Compare this with women: society typically encourages women to express their emotions, be it joy, sadness, or fear. Women are often portrayed as naturally nurturing and emotionally open, leading to a social environment where sharing emotions is not only accepted but expected.
The Fear of Judgement
One significant reason men hide their emotions is fear of judgment. Society often rewards men for being stoic and self-reliant, while sometimes viewing any expression of emotions as weakness. According to a 2018 study by the American Psychological Association, men often feel that displaying sadness, fear, or grief could lead to others questioning their masculinity or competence. This reinforces the desire to suppress emotions rather than deal with them openly.
In contrast, women face less severe judgment for displaying vulnerability. A woman crying in public may evoke empathy or concern, while a man crying might stir discomfort or confusion in those around him. While women certainly face societal pressures about emotional expression, those pressures are more nuanced and less tied to their perceived value or strength.
Women are often more socially supported in expressing these emotions, whether through friendships or other communal forms of expression.
The Impact of Toxic Masculinity
Toxic masculinity plays a crucial role in emotional suppression. Men are often told to be the providers, the strong pillars, the ones who “handle” things. This societal expectation creates a dangerous narrative: Men cannot afford to show weakness, not even to themselves. This can lead to internal conflicts, resulting in increased stress, anxiety, and even depression.
For women, the cultural narrative around emotions tends to be different. Toxic femininity, a concept that receives less attention, suggests that women are sometimes pressured to conform to the role of caregivers, which also leads to emotional strain. However, women are often more socially supported in expressing these emotions, whether through friendships or other communal forms of expression.
The Cost of Silence: Emotional and Physical Health
Suppressing emotions comes at a steep cost. Studies show that emotional repression is linked to higher rates of heart disease, depression, anxiety, and even substance abuse. Men, in particular, are less likely to seek help when struggling emotionally or mentally, which contributes to the staggering global statistic that men account for three out of four suicides.
Women, conversely, are more likely to seek emotional or psychological support, whether through professional channels or close-knit social networks. This is a crucial difference: while both men and women experience emotions with equal intensity, the outlets available and socially acceptable for processing these feelings differ significantly.
Men, in particular, are less likely to seek help when struggling emotionally or mentally, which contributes to the staggering global statistic that men account for three out of four suicides.
The Path to Emotional Freedom
So, where does this leave us? The key to shifting this narrative is vulnerability. Men need to understand that sharing emotions is not only human—it’s healthy. Vulnerability is not a flaw; it is a powerful strength. Showing emotion doesn’t make a man less masculine; it makes him more connected, authentic, and strong.
Women, too, can play a role by encouraging openness, offering space without judgement, and creating environments where men feel safe to share. Emotional freedom is not about changing what it means to be a man or a woman—it’s about recognizing that our humanity comes with emotions, and it’s okay to feel them, share them, and most importantly, understand them.
Conclusion: A New Definition of Strength
In the end, strength isn’t about how much emotion we can hide; it’s about how willing we are to show up as our true selves. Men hide their emotions because of centuries-old conditioning, societal pressures, and a deep-seated fear of judgement. Women are more openly emotional, largely because of societal expectations that favour expression over suppression.
Let’s embrace a new narrative where men and women alike can express their emotions fully, without fear, without shame. Because healing starts with honesty, and the most human thing we can do is to let each other feel, connect, and be.
Refereces:
- Levant, Ronald F., et al. “The Normative Male Alexithymia Hypothesis: Psychometric Properties and Factorial Structure of the Alexithymia Norms for Men.” Psychology of Men & Masculinities, vol. 19, no. 1, 2018.
- American Psychological Association. “APA Guidelines for Psychological Practice with Boys and Men.” American Psychologist, vol. 73, no. 6, 2018.
- World Health Organization (WHO). “Preventing Suicide: A Global Imperative.” Geneva, 2014.
