How Boys Transition into Manhood and how they Overcome Struggles

Transitioning from childhood to adulthood isn’t always a bed of roses. I often wonder why most articles don’t emphasize the struggles boys face while growing up. Unfortunately, we live in a society that focuses more on a girl’s past but places greater expectations on a boy’s future. From a young age, boys are aware that society expects them to be strong and independent. Remember when you got hurt, probably after tripping and getting scratched? Instead of someone soothing your pain, you were commanded to “shush and be a man.” That’s the sad truth: being a man begins the very minute you’re born.

I vividly remember, as if it were yesterday, when I had elephantiasis. My feet swelled every day, and it shook me to the core. At the time, I was in boarding school, far from home, and unfortunately, even the teachers couldn’t help. I recall crying from the immense pain, only to have a teacher on duty step into class and jokingly call me a “sissy” for expressing my pain. 

At that moment, I realized the deep pain of suffering alone, without anyone understanding. 

Fortunately, my parents stepped in, rushing me to the hospital for treatment, but the sad part was the slow healing process. Despite taking my medication consistently, it took time for the swelling to subside. At that moment, I realized the deep pain of suffering alone, without anyone understanding. 

Society tells men that showing emotions is a sign of weakness, but how does bottling up those same emotions make you any stronger?

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The Ideal Truth 

Once you pass the age of circumcision, many boys experience the real pain of transitioning into manhood. Your identity shifts when the razor goes down your genitalia. In some cultures, like the Luhya, boys are exposed to harsh treatments before the ritual to “endure” the transition. Even more disheartening is the ridicule faced by those who don’t experience this ritual, becoming targets of discrimination. 

In families struggling financially, boys face twice the hardship, especially when there is no male figure.

Growing up as a man is never easy, especially when climbing the ladder from childhood. In families struggling financially, boys face twice the hardship, especially when there is no male figure. I had a friend who dropped out of school after losing his father, the family’s breadwinner. He was forced to step in, abandoning his dream of becoming a neurosurgeon. Unfortunately, many in similar situations end up in crime or drug abuse.

Perception vs. Reality 

We often watch movies where heroes are portrayed as strong and flawless, never stopping to consider their vulnerabilities. We’re too fixated on the hero “saving the day.” Sadly, that’s how society views men. But what if men were made of steel or metal like those superheroes? Perhaps the pain would be less, and we wouldn’t have emotions because our hearts would be made of some cold, hard material. 

But we aren’t. We feel pain, perhaps even worse than women. So, when you see a man crying, let him pour his heart out. If you’re fortunate enough to witness a man’s vulnerability, lend him a listening ear. Truth be told, men rarely cry in front of others—they’d rather lock themselves away and cry in private. 

Early parental socialization greatly influences a child’s emotional development. Whether they express anger or sadness depends on how they’ve been raised.

The only way to foster growth in boys and men is by allowing them to fully experience it, even if that means being vulnerable. According to an article by PubMed Central, early parental socialization greatly influences a child’s emotional development. Whether they express anger or sadness depends on how they’ve been raised. Parents should note this: when you see your son hurting, don’t stop him from expressing it. Allow him to show his emotions without constantly telling him to “man up.” If we create an environment where boys can express themselves, I believe we would see fewer suicide cases. Let men express their emotions.

Words from a Brother to Another 

As it’s Suicide Prevention Month, it’s important to acknowledge that men are the solid foundation of any society, without diminishing the role of women. However, since men are more likely to commit suicide, we need to open up conversations. To all my brothers: we are no longer boys but men. As someone who has experienced similar struggles, I know being a man sometimes sucks. But trust me, I’d rather listen to your problems than attend your funeral. It’s crucial to get things off your chest.

Conclusion 

If you’re young, you still have the power to define what it means to be a boy in today’s world. If you’re a man, you have the power to be vulnerable, speak up, and express your emotions. Remember, the choice is yours. The challenges are real, but that doesn’t mean they’re unmanageable. You can do it.

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