Having experienced grief at a tender age of 5, through losing a parent, I couldn’t quite decipher how it felt. I could barely even state that I was experiencing grief. Life has a way of making things come around and fourteen years later, grief knocked twice at my door in one year. I wish anyone gave me a manual to handle grief, since honestly breaking out of that shell took what felt like an eternity of constantly hitting rock bottom and my only way out was going deeper and deeper.
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I believe that defining grief by its mere five letters feels quite insufficient. Were I a neologist, I would have given grief a complex letter word to give it the weight it much deserves. Grief is instability. Grief is profound sadness and hanging in space for hours and days and years till infinity if a human can live to such a life span.
Grief Expression
People grief in different ways. Cultural beliefs and traditions can influence how someone expresses grief and mourns. For example, in some cultures, grief is expressed quietly and privately. In others, it can be loud and out in the open. Culture also shapes how long family members are expected to grieve. Grieving is a highly individual experience; there’s no right or wrong way to grieve. How you grieve depends on many factors, including your personality and coping style, your life experience, your faith, and how significant the loss was to you.
The pain of grief can often cause you to want to withdraw from others and retreat into your shell. But having the face-to-face support of other people is vital to healing from loss. Even if you’re not comfortable talking about your feelings under normal circumstances, it’s important to express them when you’re grieving.
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What can I do?
While sharing your loss can make the burden of grief easier to carry, that doesn’t mean that every time you interact with friends and family, you need to talk about your loss. Comfort can also come from just being around others who care about you. The key is not to isolate yourself.
Turn to friends and family members. Now is the time to lean on the people who care about you, even if you take pride in being strong and self-sufficient. Rather than avoiding them, draw friends and loved ones close, spend time together face to face, and accept the assistance that’s offered. Often, people want to help but don’t know how, so tell them what you need—whether it’s a shoulder to cry on, a listening ear, or just someone to hang out with. If you don’t feel you have anyone you can regularly connect with in person, it’s never too late to build new friendships.
Grief can be a confusing, sometimes frightening emotion for many people, especially if they haven’t experienced a similar loss themselves.
Accept that many people feel awkward when trying to comfort someone who’s grieving. Grief can be a confusing, sometimes frightening emotion for many people, especially if they haven’t experienced a similar loss themselves. They may feel unsure about how to comfort you and end up saying or doing the wrong things. But don’t use that as an excuse to retreat into your shell and avoid social contact. If a friend or loved one reaches out to you, it’s because they care.
Draw comfort from your faith. If you follow a religious tradition, embrace the comfort its mourning rituals can provide. Spiritual activities that are meaningful to you, such as praying, meditating, or going to church can offer solace. If you’re questioning your faith in the wake of the loss, talk to a clergy member or others in your religious community.
Talk to a therapist or grief counsellor. If your grief feels like too much to bear, find a mental health professional with experience in grief counselling. An experienced therapist can help you work through intense emotions and overcome obstacles in your grieving. If in-person therapy is not accessible to you, consider online therapy, which can be just as effective.
There are many ways of handling grief, just don’t accept grief pinning you down, since help is only a step away. Handling grief is possible with or without a manual on how to go about it.
