Overcoming Workplace Bullying: A Journey to Self-Respect

I overcame: My Journey Through Work Place Bullying.

“This year, Blessings, Money, Testimony dey go follow …..” These were the words I started my last year with, assuring myself that blessings would follow me. The dream of any graduate is to get a job after they are done with campus. The turmoil, assignments, group work, studying, exams, name it. Would you not want more? Lest you forget ‘kuinama ‘(going without food), the ugali sukuma, and the kibandaski chapos that have been eaten. The joy of any comrade is definitely to get past this phase and to afford meat finally, or as we call it, Kanyama instead of Za Cabbage.

On 13 November 2023, I officially reported to work after graduating the previous week. I was speechless. Grateful was the term. Mixed reactions right, left, and center.

 I had promised myself that I would work beyond the sun and the moon; understanding the privilege I had before my hands, especially after transitioning. I started working. Officially, I became a corporate guy. Things had changed. I was used to using windows now am a Mac guy.

It started slowly, the taunting and shouting. I was feeling discomfort, not knowing what was going on. A simple shoot almost made me lose my mind. It was a Christmas promo message. A sunny day and nothing to worry about. I am being shouted at. My mouth began speaking, but soon shut it. I controlled my temper since I understood very well on how rapid things could escalate. Noticing a change in my tone and face; my bully offered a mere apology. I decided to let it slide.

Going home, I introspected. I knew something was wrong. I chose to forgive and moved on. Biggest mistake ever. The taunting turned to shouting, being demeaned & belittled. In silence, I sat at my desk, not understanding why I was being treated in this horrible manner.

Gaslighting

I decided to put my emotional intelligence to test. I saw things from my oppressor’s point of view. There, I played my cards. The goal was as long as I do my job am well. I mean, who’s this guy? Does he know the struggles I’ve endured to get here? Great! Let’s move on.

1700hrs EAT. Normal working hours demand working from 9:00am – 5:00pm. However, the night owl in me didn’t allow my exit. I was undoubtedly active and deeply immersed on my Mac.  “Let’s go home.” I heard. Shocked, I looked at the person. Softly, I reverted, “You won’t tell me when to go home.” In short, a kind way to say ;Mind your business, I don’t eat at your house. I wish I could say that out loud, but work etiquette demands that we speak to our colleagues well. Plus, I did not want to be in the bad books.

Gaslighting: This is a form of psychological manipulation where one person or group makes someone question their reality, memory, or perceptions.

A simple harmless act turned to weeks and later months. A lot of gaslighting happened. Gaslighting: This is a form of psychological manipulation where one person or group makes someone question their reality, memory, or perceptions. Lucky for me, am a sane individual, with one of my biggest flexes being self-esteem. I know myself better than anyone else.

Months later, I couldn’t stand the place. I knew there was a problem when waking up from bed became a problem. Even worse, the beautiful petals at the garden started to stink. I left!

Deep down, I convinced myself that I had left because of “other” purposes. However, my soul was forlorn. My body had scars. I reminisced about what had been happening to me. It was bad to the extent where I was not being allowed to speak to my colleagues. I remember convincing an attachee to sign her log book became a big deal. Even worse, my frequent use of email became an issue as it was said“ unapenda email” (You love using email). This is simply because I asked a colleague to send me documents via mail. I pondered what world was I living in.

Solution

I should have known better.  I blamed myself. My nights turned cold and my eyes red. I asked God what I had done this time round. I fought. Prayer and introspection on a daily.  I learned and unlearned ; took notes and did my research. I was dealing with a narcissist.

In conclusion, I learned no matter how strong I am, I should not tolerate toxicity. I realized that I am a human being deserving respect and kindness. Let it be known that how you allow others to treat you depicts your level of self-respect. Yes, I did outbursts here and there, but was I really addressing the problem? Letting things slide and letting go is only piercing a nail to your palms.

Penning this with no hurt is nothing but fulfilling. We bleed with our words. This is how I vent. However, no one is allowed to be harassed, mocked or insulted. Your peace of mind is very important. Regardless of the bills, your health matters too. A toxic work environment simply drains and kills you. Don’t die simply because you are making ends meet. Take care of yourself!

“It is mine to avenge; I will repay. In due time their foot will slip; their day of disaster is near, and their doom rushes upon them.” Deuteronomy 32:35 (NIV)