Why men experience anxiety differently

The news of the late Tom Adala, a senior National Intelligence Service (NIS) officer who allegedly died by suicide after battling depression, has sparked my reflection on similar issues faced by men, even on a smaller scale.

Imagine this: you’re delivering a speech at a family member’s funeral or graduation, pitching a groundbreaking idea to your firm’s board, or making a heartfelt toast at a special event. The butterflies in your stomach are all too familiar. We all recognize that deep breath we take to calm our nerves before stepping on stage. Fear of public speaking is a widespread form of anxiety, one that many of us can relate to on a deeply personal level.

However, anxiety isn’t a one-size-fits-all concept, especially for men. The differences in how anxiety manifests and is experienced between genders highlight the need for a nuanced understanding of mental health.

Anxiety as a gendered construct

The National Comorbidity Survey (NCS; conducted from 1990 to 1992) found that lifetime prevalence rates for any anxiety disorder were 30.5% for women and 19.2% for men (Kessler et al., 1994). Women exhibited higher prevalence rates for each anxiety disorder examined, including panic disorder, with a 2:1 ratio compared to men. This disparity arises because clinical criteria for anxiety disorders often align with symptoms more common in women, such as internal feelings of worry and anxiety. Estrogen increases awareness of one’s internal state, contributing to this heightened experience among women.

However, it’s more complex than just hormonal differences. Men’s anxiety manifests differently. A systematic review found that young men reported more physical symptoms—headaches, body tremors, and loss of appetite—and sensations of losing control, rather than social disruptions, tearfulness, and interpersonal distress, which were more common in age-matched women (Auerbach et al., 2002; Bender et al., 2012).

Behavioral observation studies reveal that parents disproportionately encourage boys to confront stressful and fearful situations, while they more often comfort girls when they display fear or anxiety (Craske, 2003; McLean and Anderson, 2009; Stevenson Hinde and Shouldice, 2013). Thus, socialization plays a significant role in shaping our responses to anxiety.

What contributes to men’s anxiety?

Endorsement of masculine norms—such as restrictive emotionality, limited affectionate behavior towards other men, and overt heterosexual presentation—is associated with increased anxiety levels in young and adult men (Iwamoto et al., 2012; Jones, 1999; Pavlova and Kholmogorova, 2017).

Essentially, “manly men” who suppress their emotions struggle to recognize their anxiety. Instead, they often feel that their situations are uncontrollable and unfixable. The real tragedy of male anxiety lies in the belief that life is entirely out of control. This low perception of control shapes their internal environment, creating ‘unsolvable problems’ in the real world.

The stress generation framework posits that an individual’s characteristics, behaviors, or circumstances contribute to the occurrence of dependent stressful events. Auerbach, Eberhart, and Abela (2010) found that low perceived control—believing one has limited or no ability to change views of the self, world, and future—contributes to greater dependent interpersonal stress. For example, if a man believes he cannot make his girlfriend happy, he might try less because he feels doomed to fail. This fear of losing perceived control precedes actual real-world problems, making male anxiety uniquely challenging.

The amygdala often amplifies the perception of negative events. Moreover, individuals with higher levels of masculinity tend to employ problem-based coping strategies regardless of biological sex. This adherence to traditional masculine norms prompts men to adopt action-oriented, problem-solving approaches when faced with anxiety. In simple terms, if you’re a man with a problem, you try to fix it. However, this tendency can exacerbate anxiety if solutions are not attainable.

Research indicates that problem-based coping is effective only when stressors or situations are controllable (Carver, 2011; Park et al., 2004). When problems seem unsolvable, stress and anxiety increase, along with physical symptoms like headaches and elevated cortisol levels. This creates a vicious cycle, where the perceived inability to fix problems heightens anxiety and its physical manifestations.

Possible solutions

Begin by taking action. If you feel out of control and experience physical symptoms, you may be dealing with male anxiety. It’s essential to consult a professional for an evaluation and diagnosis. Understanding your condition is the first step toward effective psychotherapy.

Emotional awareness, often overlooked by men, is vital. Being mindful of your feelings in the moment can significantly help. Direct your focus toward understanding and addressing your anxiety. Engage in physical exercise, participate in community events, and practice mind-body techniques. These activities help to decompress negative energy and foster positive change.

Consider the analogy of a child fearing a monster in the dark. Initially, the fear seems insurmountable, but eventually, the child realizes there is nothing to fear. Similarly, many men perceive their problems and anxieties as overwhelming. By confronting these issues and maintaining a positive outlook, we can reduce stress and progressively improve our lives.

With this knowledge, I hope to see programs introduced in elementary, primary, and high schools to make young people more aware and informed. Educating our youth will help men become better partners, fathers, and members of society. It will also enable women to understand and support men dealing with anxiety. Together, these efforts can contribute to a brighter, better world.