June is Men’s Mental Health Awareness Month, and I’d like to share my personal experiences as a man. Growing up in a conservative household, my upbringing mirrored that of many typical African kids. My mom, though strict, was approachable, and I could often open up to her. However, my dad, the authoritative figure as head of the household, was stern. He instilled a “no-nonsense” approach, requiring us to live by his strict code of conduct.
Looking back, even as a child, I understood right from wrong. Following my father’s teachings about masculinity, I learned that men are expected to be stoic and suppress their emotions. Vulnerability was seen as weakness. This mindset gradually made me withdraw, preventing me from opening up to anyone, even my mom.
Fast-forward to my teenage years. I felt ostracized for not having a deep voice, a supposed marker of masculinity according to my peers. I isolated myself, disconnecting from everyone at school except for a few friends. Even with them, I struggled to open up about my feelings. My mom remained a confidante, but I couldn’t burden her with the complexities of being a teenage boy. My dad, on the other hand, felt like the last person I could talk to. Our frequent clashes left me bottling up my emotions, expressing my vulnerability only in the privacy of my room, away from prying eyes.
Following my father’s teachings about masculinity, I learned that men are expected to be stoic and suppress their emotions. Vulnerability was seen as weakness.
This difficulty connecting with others led to low self-esteem and a fear of social circles. I worried about being ridiculed like I had been before. I wonder how many other men have similar experiences, or even worse, remain trapped in their emotional isolation.
Being vulnerable or expressing your feelings isn’t a sign of weakness; it’s a sign of strength. Not many men are willing to confront this hurdle. This Men’s Mental Health Awareness Month, let’s check in on the men in our lives who might be suffering in silence. Let’s break the stigma around male vulnerability and create a space where men feel loved and appreciated.
Finding My Way Out
The path to overcoming loneliness wasn’t easy. It took time and a conscious effort to break free from the societal expectations of masculinity. Here’s what helped me:
- Therapy
Seeking professional help allowed me to explore the root of my emotional suppression and develop healthier coping mechanisms. Talking to a therapist in a safe, judgment-free space was a turning point.
- Finding my Tribe
I gradually started pushing myself out of my comfort zone and engaging in activities I enjoyed. This led me to connect with others who shared similar interests, fostering a sense of belonging.
- Open Communication
I began practising open communication with my close friends and even my mom. Sharing my feelings, even the difficult ones, strengthened these relationships.
A Call to Action
My story is a reminder that men are not immune to loneliness. Let’s encourage men to break free from the constraints of traditional masculinity and embrace their emotions. Here’s what you can do:
- Normalize conversations about mental health: Talking openly about mental health challenges encourages men to seek help. Don’t shy away from these conversations with the men in your life.
- Challenge stereotypes: Dispel the myth that expressing emotions is a sign of weakness. Celebrate men who are open and vulnerable.
- Create safe spaces: Men need spaces where they feel comfortable sharing their struggles. Organize men’s groups or activities that promote emotional connection.
Together, we can create a world where men feel empowered to express themselves openly and build meaningful connections, leading to a happier and healthier future for all.
